Building lasting long term relationships

Dr Fisher, a biological anthropologist researcher, has some interesting things to say about the changing nature of dating and some very helpful tips for sustaining long term relationships.

Her top tips for long term partnerships:

• Novelty is very important for couples to keep the relationship enlivened
• Sex is good for us
• Stay physically connected to each other

Touching, holding hands, the eye gaze which is similar to mother baby gaze, hugging and kissing are some great ways to keep the attachment system strong.

Because of our brain’s negativity bias, it’s always easier to see our partner’s negative traits. So a more mindful approach encourages us to notice and comment on the positive contributions our partner makes to the relationship. The ratio of five (constructive) to one (non constructive) is recommended. Voicing the positives, makes you both feel good about your relationship, by increasing a sense of security and connectedness.

Women gain intimacy from talking together and men from doing things together so finding the balance is important in heterosexual relationships. Like all generalisations, there are exceptions to the rule!